firstly, i want to wish wanyu a HAPPY SWEET SIXTEEN BIRTHDAY! (:

okay, today .
i went to NLB for our english project. met meifie at orchard mrt and went to bugis for macs breakfast. hahaha. i was early. yay. (: finally , lucia , gilian and ruth came. so off to NLB we went.hahaha. me and lucia went all the way to the 8th storey while they went to 7-eleven to get their stuffs. they kept saying that me and lucia are like couple couple. -.- zzzzzzz. lameeee. then we went to the children's section that is located in B1. baby is fetching me from the library! yay. i was overjoyed when i received his phone call . hahaha.so he came and we left for Sentosa.

Sentosa's sun is really scorching hot! but i love it. even though i didnt really tan , i feel like i've become one tone darker. i guess i need to start using whitening cream. hahaha. he applied the lotion for me (: then we went to the water. heh. did some funny things. and i tried to teach him how to float . hahaha. i feel so safe holding on to him in the water. (: after that , showering was interesting . well , i read his message. i could help resisting the temptation. and just as i expected. lovey dovey messages to XX . i felt really upset. but i held it back. until when i met him outside. the way i look at him now is totally different. i dont know how should i put it. but i felt betrayed and i could no longer trust him anymore. talking is indeed cheap.

i tried asking him questions. and i guess he knew what i was saying because it sounds familiar huh ? i dont know why i'm feeling angry about this ? hasnt my feeling fade for him ? i guess there's still a slight feeling despite the long time we've been together. and yes ,i know that you still have slight feelings for me. maybe i was too rash and hurt when i said the break up. but thinking twice. i'm not sure whether i would regret my decision or not . one feeeling that i do not like is regret. and i think i'll regret. but if you really treat your friends like how you treat serene, i guess it makes no difference then . thinking twice , i still cannot come up with a decision . i think that i would need sometime to think about it . you're angry that i'm angry at you for sending lovey dovey messages to her? thats one thing that i dont understand. isit my fault for being angry ? i dont know. if it was the other way round , i guess you would just give me a tight slap and request a breakup immediately right ? i have second thoughts about the breakup because i think ,maybe it was my fault for you treating her that way . maybe i'm not as loving , not as caring , not as possessive .

hah. but i really dont know why , surprisingly , it was just like a 3 minute tension , because i'm back to normal now . why ? i dont know. maybe its because we've been together for so many years. and i'm used to how you're always treating me . scolding me a fucker and everything. but to tell you seriously , when you call me a whore or prostitute, i AM offended. any girl would be offended. dont tell me that its just a joke because i've told you for upteen times that i do not like to be called a whore or prostitute. i'm okay when you call me a slut or bitch. because i feel that sometimes i'm one. but a whore or prostitute ? i dont sell my body or virginity for money.and i respect my body. so i hope that you will respect that too .

What i want ? I want you to be more cautious about what you are saying to me . because i am bias towards you now. I want us to be like what we used to be 3 years ago . just a simple and innocent love . I want you to stop flirting because i think that you're as mature as i am now to think that flirting will not bring you anywhere. it is more pratical to just have one partner. I want our relationship to be focused on our goals and future.and not a relationship that is just depends on the outside because i think that if you want someone to just please you , you can find that someone anywhere outside. I want you to listen to me sometimes, because i only have you to share my joys and sorrows with as i have stopped communicating with them. lastly , I want you to love me more. so that i would not leave your car unhappy.

Despite all this , I think that you're also trying to make this relationship work out. and you're really sweet at times. you always let me choose what to eat . even though you feel like eating other stuffs. i think you're really sweet because, despite having alot of work to do and you're tired, you still came out with me . I know that you always say that i'm fat is to motivate me to slim down . I think that you're really sweet because you would always pick me up so that i do not have to take a public transport despite the amount of petrol that you're going to waste. I know that you're angry that i'm talking to guys because you're afraid that you'll lose me. i didnt want to break up with you because we've been together for three years. and your family knows me .vice versa. so i think its dumb to just end it just like that . anyway , i seriously think , even if we got married, you would still have a mistress outside. and i would have to accept it. so this time , its a training for me. and i'm going to accept it. i cannot blame you , because its already your habit to have many girls around you , showering you with love. but i always believe that you will only go back to one.

ask me how do i know all this ? because i'm like that too . hahaha. ohkay. actually , i should say that i'm a libra too . and we think alike. YES E1 ? hahaha. Libra's are born charming. and charmers usually are flirts. heh. even though my complexion is bad and i have ugly hair , i would still look hot in certain ways. hahahahaa. sorry for my ego. but i cant deny that fact.maybe i have a very sexy way of making friends. thus , easily attracted. I dont know why , but you have something that keeps me going back to you . and i know that i still love you. simply because whenever i receive your message or calls , my heart would jump for joy. and my mood for the whole day would be really good. hahaha.so that concludes that i'm still not ready to let go.